Sexual Abuse: The Effects

Posted by Black_Star from Powys - Published on 21/02/2012 at 15:28
8 comments » - Tagged as Health

Hi everyone! Where to begin?

I am now 18. When I was a little girl my mum and dad split. My dad remarried, and so has my mum.

When I was a little girl I was free. When I was a little girl I felt alive.

Aged 13, my dad took me and stepmum on holiday. My first ever holiday - wow! It will be one I'll never forget, for the wrong reasons.

Eight pints and several shots poured in to my system. I can't remember much, but he sexually abused me.

I locked it away for two and a half years. I wasn't the sweet little girl anymore. I was tainted so I acted accordingly. I was loud, violent and angry. I was responsible for kicking a guy in the face because he said, "Girls are stupid."

I dragged guys down the corridors. I kicked doors. I didn't care, but I wasn't sure why.

College, September 2009. Motor vehicle course. I loved cars. Subaru Impreza for me, please. I loved it, but was uneasy with the attention from wandering eyes. I was always called fat. So thinner, thinner and thinner I got. By Christmas I was living off 100g of lettuce a day.

3 January 2010. I told my mum what Dad did to me. Police interviews, social workers etc. I just got thinner until I went to Child And Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS). "If you lose one more pound you will be addmitted." I was six stone.

I looked at the hospital, but then I got better. But as I gained weight I self-harmed all through 2010. I went too deep at times. That scared me. I overdosed the Friday before Father's Day, still on a self-destuctive path.

2011. My dad walked. A free man. Not enough evidence and a mentally unstable child. I stopped self-harming and became bulimic. At present I'm still bulimic but trying to stop self-harming. It's hard, but I so wish I could have told someone earlier, then maybe I could have been saved from myself.

If you or someone you know has been affected by the issues in this article, you can talk to Meic or call ChildLine on 0800 1111. Both services are waiting to hear from you, all day, every day of the year.

Bulimia @ NHS Wales
Abuse Page
Getting Help

8 Comments – Post a comment

Black_Star

Commented 2 months ago - 21st February 2012 - 17:52pm

for thos who read this you are not alone please i urge you to speek up and get help - i have the most wonderful boyfriend who understands and a brillent support net work ever. there is life after sexual abuse i am living proof :)

Scattered

Commented 2 months ago - 21st February 2012 - 20:02pm

fair play to you writing about this - take guts and you do it really well

(Not Responding)

Commented 2 months ago - 21st February 2012 - 20:04pm

Very powerful writing - I can't imagine what you've been through but you seem like a strong soul.

eddie secretary

Commented 2 months ago - 22nd February 2012 - 13:37pm

this is a very powerful piece of writing and it makes me feel ashamed to be a man, i dont know why anyone would do that to anyone else, but the one who did this to you should be locked up and the key thrown away,
im so sorry to hear that he has walked free, but my heart is with you, and i hope that you can overcome this all in time, and if you ever need a sympathic ear, to listen in confidence, dont hesitate to ask, my ears are always open just ask Either Editor Dan or Ryan for my email address if you need it, i have many years experience with working with young women and girls who have gone through this pain,

all my best

Eddie_Secretary

P.S. Happy 18th for whenever it was, i hope you had a wonderful day

CLICryan

Commented 2 months ago - 22nd February 2012 - 15:01pm

We can't pass contact info between CLICers unfortunately Eddie but thank you for the kind offer and advice.

eddie secretary

Commented 2 months ago - 22nd February 2012 - 17:36pm

no probs Ryan, ya never know i may even bump into Black_Star at a CLIC event and say hi, but anyways, im happy to help in any way i can anyways

Meic

Commented 2 months ago - 24th February 2012 - 09:33am

Hi this is Meic,

We are an information, advice and advocacy helpline for children and young people aged 25 and under in Wales.

Black_Star, we’d just like to say that you have been so brave to talk so openly about the abuse you experienced and the affect it has had on you since. This article will enable other young people who have experienced similar things to see that they are not alone and that it helps to speak up about their own experiences too.

For any young people who have experienced or are experiencing any kind of abuse, it may be a good idea to tell someone close to you who you trust, and who can support you like Black_Star talked to her mum. That person could also help you tell someone else about it, like the police or social services so that you are not alone throughout it all. Telling your favourite teacher is also an option too.

If you would prefer, you could contact our free and confidential helpline and we could listen to you and talk to you, we could even help you tell someone else about what’s going on.
It’s important to remember that there are people out there who can help and support young people with what’s happened or may still be happening to them and to help put a stop to it.

If you would like to contact Meic for free, there are a few different ways of doing so:

Phone – 0808 8023456
Text – 84001
Webchat – www.meiccymru.org
Email – help@meiccymru.org

You can talk to us about anything. We are here to listen to you and won't judge you. And, if you want, we can support you to get help.

Take care,
The Meic Team